As a nurse, just like in any profession, there are good days and bad. Some days are really good, some really bad. Unlike other professions though, many of our bad days come with sadness. We see sick kids everyday. We care for them and their families. We bond. We connect.
One of my last shifts on nights, is thus far, the worst I've experienced in my year of nursing. I admitted a patient with what we thought was a common illness. Turned out to be something much worse.
The patient spent the last few hours of alertness with me.
Just me.
I questioned whether I was caring, loving, attentive enough.
I was the random nurse coming and going from that hospital room that night.
Just me.
Did I do everything possible? Did I make the patient feel comforted?
I remember that patient asking for a simple request. The patient asked me to give a back massage.
Just me.
At first, I blew it off. I had more important things to do that night.
The second time I was asked, I gave a quick simple back massage while rolling my eyes.
Oh, how I wish I could turn back time.
The patient went downhill and fast. By the time family returned, the level of consciousness was waning.
The patient was transferred to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, where less than 24 hours later the patient was no longer with us.
It took me a while to process my emotions from that night. It was my first patient death.
At first I beat myself up, questioning everything.
Why didn't I truly give my time?
As time passed, I learned from this experience.
I learned to spend that little bit of extra time with my patients because you never know when it will truly make a difference.
If only we could see the future, how different we would do things.
Thursday, January 9, 2020
2017
It's crazy how fast time goes. Days become weeks become months become years. You don't even realize it. One day you're in nursing school the next you've already been a nurse for one year. I hate the feeling where time is just passing you by. You go to work, run errands, binge watch Netflix, have dinner dates, but you don't truly feel you are living your life. This is why I love adventures and traveling. It makes me feel that I'm not trapped in this little area on the map.
Back in January, I took a trip to NYC to visit my college roommate. We actually met up in Baltimore then took the train to the city. It's always such a great time getting to catch up with her. No matter how much time has passed, we pick up just like we are back at college sharing a dorm room. I love that about our friendship. We may not get to see each other often, but it's always nice when we do. It was a cold trip, but so good. I love New York City. I always imagine myself living there one day.
In June, my dad and I took a trip to Chicago. It was a weekend trip to explore the city and catch a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. We did all the typical touristy things. Millennium Park to get a picture at the Bean, Willis Tower, Navy Pier, the Art Institute, an architectural river cruise, and of course the Cubs game. The Cubs won that game and it was the first time I'd heard 'Go Cubs Go'.
My yearly summer trip with my high school friend happened this past July. After much debate about where to go, we ended up on a road trip to Niagara Falls. Our first stop was the Toledo zoo, then we continued on to Ann Arbor, MI where we stayed the night. We arrived in Niagara the next day and took the boat to the falls. It was pretty amazing. We went to the casino that night and walked away with less money than we started with. The next morning we headed to Toronto, where we walked around the city and went to the movies because it was raining. We did find a pretty nice park the next day right by the lake. Drove to Buffalo, NY that afternoon where we got dinner to-go and ate at the hotel while watching the first episode of the new season of Game of Thrones. Neither of us keep up with that show and I was extremely confused when I saw Ed Sheeran. The next morning was perfect weather for a canoe trip then we headed to Pittsburgh, PA, our last leg of the road trip. We checked out the Andy Warhol museum the next day, then headed home.
I absolutely love to travel. I enjoy exploring new cities and meeting new people. I like adventures.
Back in January, I took a trip to NYC to visit my college roommate. We actually met up in Baltimore then took the train to the city. It's always such a great time getting to catch up with her. No matter how much time has passed, we pick up just like we are back at college sharing a dorm room. I love that about our friendship. We may not get to see each other often, but it's always nice when we do. It was a cold trip, but so good. I love New York City. I always imagine myself living there one day.
In June, my dad and I took a trip to Chicago. It was a weekend trip to explore the city and catch a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. We did all the typical touristy things. Millennium Park to get a picture at the Bean, Willis Tower, Navy Pier, the Art Institute, an architectural river cruise, and of course the Cubs game. The Cubs won that game and it was the first time I'd heard 'Go Cubs Go'.
My yearly summer trip with my high school friend happened this past July. After much debate about where to go, we ended up on a road trip to Niagara Falls. Our first stop was the Toledo zoo, then we continued on to Ann Arbor, MI where we stayed the night. We arrived in Niagara the next day and took the boat to the falls. It was pretty amazing. We went to the casino that night and walked away with less money than we started with. The next morning we headed to Toronto, where we walked around the city and went to the movies because it was raining. We did find a pretty nice park the next day right by the lake. Drove to Buffalo, NY that afternoon where we got dinner to-go and ate at the hotel while watching the first episode of the new season of Game of Thrones. Neither of us keep up with that show and I was extremely confused when I saw Ed Sheeran. The next morning was perfect weather for a canoe trip then we headed to Pittsburgh, PA, our last leg of the road trip. We checked out the Andy Warhol museum the next day, then headed home.
I absolutely love to travel. I enjoy exploring new cities and meeting new people. I like adventures.
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